By

Piotr Rajski,
 

Key words:

Silence, God, Contemplative Prayer, Therapy.
 
 

Abstract.

In this paper the author shares some of his experiences of using silence in therapy. He presents one of the modes of practicing silence, namely the meditation technique known as Contemplative Prayer, and shows advantages of using this technique in the process of self-purification and self-balancing of the therapist. The author stipulates that silence is a royal way to discovering God. Finding this divine particle within oneself and client changes the whole outlook of therapy. The therapist is no longer alone with the client, but God becomes an active participant in the therapeutic process through His love for both therapist and client.
 

Motto.

Silence is God's first language and all other languages are but poor translations.(1)
 

Preamble.(2)

I discovered the therapeutic importance of silence long before I became a spiritual person. Around 1982 I had a patient in mania, which manifested mainly through his constant talking. He would fill every session with fast, uninterrupted, intensive talk, making sure that I wouldn’t be able to say anything. I was a young and inexperienced therapist at that time and the whole dynamics were quite frustrating for me. Out of sheer despair I asked him to close his eyes. I don't remember how I persuaded him to do so, but he eventually complied.

What happened next was amazing for me. He continued his fast talk for a while, but after about 5 minutes began to slow down. He also started to be more thoughtful about what he was saying. In another few minutes he became completely still. He started to breathe more deeply and to be aware of his body. He was silent for the rest of the session and I was silent with him.

When he finally opened his eyes, he was a transformed person. He noticed me and began to interact with me. We were no longer a therapist and a patient – we were more like two human beings who met in the end. He never came for another session, but I had information from his employer that his functioning had dramatically improved. I like to think that he was healed through this experience of silence. Naturally he could have realized that he would not be successful in using his manic tirades to control me. In this case, I could say, at least I was spared.
 

Principles and Practice of Contemplative Prayer.

This experience was so positive for me that I frequently ask people to close their eyes during psychotherapy. In most cases this is slightly uncomfortable in the beginning, as we use eyes to control our environment, but then quickly leads to better contact with one’s own body and emotions. It improves the ability to be “here and now”. I use this simple art myself many times through the day (as I believe do a lot of other people instinctively), especially when I feel tense or emotionally unbalanced, or when I have a headache. It takes at times only a few minutes, even seconds, to restore the sense of wholeness and comfort.

With years I have been experimenting with different forms of meditations that involved closed eyes and silence. Recently I have chosen the Contemplative Prayer due its simplicity and stipulation that in contemplation one meets the Living God. Contemplative Prayer is traced to the writings of the anonymous XIII-century author of "The Cloud of Unknowing."(3)   The main thesis of this writer, explaining the title of the book, is that the rational mind cannot comprehend God. This sphere, or cloud, of the unknown, the author maintains, can only be penetrated by a humble soul with the "naked intent" to love God. The word "naked" implies that the artisan has no expectations for a reward. Love is already its own reward. The meditation calls for two periods of at least 20 minutes of silence a day. What works best for me is to start my day in the office with one such period around 9 a.m., and then to repeat it around 3 p.m. The first period helps me to collect my thoughts and ground myself in a certain detachment from things before I engage myself in any therapy. The second allows me to regain focus and to rebalance my energy.

"The Cloud of Unknowing" was brought back from obscurity during the last 40 years mainly due to efforts of the American Trappist monks. Among them the names of Thomas Merton, Thomas Keating, Basil Pennington and Thomas Clarke stand most prominently.(4)  Instruction for this meditation is quite simple:

Rules of the Contemplative Prayer.
 

1. At the beginning of the prayer we take a minute or two to quiet down and then move in faith to God dwelling in our depths. (…) We center all our attention and desire on Him.
2. After resting for a bit in the center in faithful love, we take up a single, simple word that expresses our response and begin to let it repeat itself within.
3. Whenever in the course of the prayer we become aware of anything else, we simply gently return to the prayer word. We ignore the thoughts and images offered by the mind (…). We leave them behind, for we want immediate contact with God Himself, and not some thought, image or vision of Him.
4. At the end we take several minutes to come out, mentally praying the Lord's Prayer.(5)

Christian roots of this prayer/meditation definitely make it unique as most of the meditation techniques are associated with the East. Although in my opinion all the meditative practices attempt to achieve the same or similar goal, let us have a look at some of the basic assumptions of this practice as expressed by its founders.

Assumptions of the Contemplative Prayer.
 

1. God is our being. "God present in us, present all around us, is calling us to respond to His presence, His love, His caring."(6)
2. Contemplation is a gift. "Every prayer is a response to a movement of grace, whether we are aware of it or not."(7)
3. God is a mystery. "Thought cannot comprehend God. And so I prefer to abandon all I can know, choosing rather to love Him whom I cannot know."(8)
4. Love is the only way. "Only love can touch God as He is in Himself."(9)
5. Spiritual act is instantaneous. "As soon as we move in love to God present in our depths, we are there. There a perfect prayer of adoration, love and presence is."(10)
6. Center contains everything. "When I make the journey to the Center, then I am where I can touch and be present to all that is, including God Himself."(11)

As it may be seen from this brief presentation, Contemplative Prayer involves: desire to be with God, an act of love which eventually can be extended to human beings, humble acknowledging of one's own ignorance, openness for guidance and ability to be "here-and-now." The last point, that center contains everything, implies that by undertaking this effort the therapist may find all the solutions he may need - understanding of the client's problem, intuition how to help, etc., that may have evaded his/her rational mind.

The Sacred Art of Silence.

I have had this sense of sacredness of silence for quite some time. It was only a few years ago though, after I discovered Contemplative Prayer, read Brother Lawrence's - "The Practice of the Presence of God" - and other mystical writings, that I started to see silence as a path to God within myself. I came to conclusion that when the therapist and the client are silent, they create a certain communion, as divine particles in them get in contact with each other.

What do I talk about? Let me give you one example. I once worked with an autistic, 11 year old boy, who was causing many problems at school. I thought that his inability to communicate what he wanted was the source of his frustration. When frustrated he would become stubborn, uncooperative and occasionally aggressive. The school authorities seemed to have a limited understanding of his condition and often mishandled his behaviors, thus adding to the problem. As a result of these dynamics, the boy stopped communicating with the outside world and, as I was a part of this world, he did not want to communicate with me. As talking to him was not producing any results I chose at some point just to be silent with him. I would visit with his family and spend time sitting quietly in his room observing his play. Gradually this common silence created a bond between us. I think he received the message that I respected his "silent world" and that I did not have any intention to impose things on him. With time,  he started to invite me to a parallel play and then to join his play. He said a few words, I said a few words, and soon we made friends. He became more relaxed at school and it helped his teachers to relax. He successfully passed to the next grade and his school career became smoother. Although other forms of intervention also played a role here, I think it was this common silence that was the crux in the therapeutic process.

This case illustrates in my opinion something that I have difficulty persuading my younger colleagues to see - important things happen during therapy even when the therapist and the client say nothing. To paraphrase the words of Dalai Lama, I could say - "there is a lot to do (in therapy), but also a lot not to do." If a therapist is a peaceful, balanced, and possibly a spiritually oriented person, then the healing begins at the moment the client is in proximity to the therapist. It happens even if the later does not offer life changing insights, break-through interpretations, suggestions or recommendations. Just by being in touch with a peaceful therapist, or for this matter, with any peaceful person, the client can discover this space of silence and peace within himself. This may lead, with time, to a sense of God's Presence within oneself which very often releases clients from anguish, sorrow and whatever other tribulations might have brought them into therapy.

What is the nature of this healing power of silence? Three things come to mind. It appears that first and foremost silence allows for the release of an unconscious psychological material. If so, as the experiences of many mystics seem to suggest, then God, who is in silence, could be described as the Divine Therapist. Through silence, a therapist has a chance to get into contact with a mystery that is bigger than the manifested world and the therapist himself. This helps to put therapy in a proper context. Going into silence also helps the therapist to derive benefits of so called "relaxation response." On a spiritual level, this "relaxation response" involves perception of an inner cosmos and of Personal Godhead. This contact with the Source of Life brings rest and renewal of one's own strength. Let us a have a closer look at these possibilities.
 

God - The Divine Therapist.

Most people have a certain apprehension when being alone and not having anyone to talk to. It seems that silence, depriving the mind from overt stimulation, brings up all the unconscious fears, conflicts and confusions one may have. This is how one of the founders of Contemplative Prayer, Father Thomas Keating, refers to this process:

"Any form of meditation or prayer that transcends thinking sets off the dynamic of interior purification. This dynamic is a kind of divine psychotherapy. The experience facilitates the coming to consciousness of one's motivation and evil tendencies, and sometimes enables the organism to release deep rooted tension in the form of thoughts."(12)    He adds in another of his books: "The spiritual journey from this aspect is a course in growing up and becoming liberated from childhood fixations at emotional levels that have become disruptive of our adult life and that interfere with our relationships.  The journey is a form of divine psychotherapy in which God tries to heal us on every level, beginning normally with the body and the emotions."(13)

What does it mean practically? When I sit silent for 20 minutes I see that 90% of the time my mind spends wobbling, wandering and worrying about things. This alone gives me a valuable insight into the state of my mind. It gives me a chance to look into my irrationalities and inconsistencies. If I want, I can correct my thinking by choosing thoughts that are more rational, positive and solution oriented. I may introduce some changes in my life - in my lifestyle, the way I conduct my business or relate to my family members. Becoming aware of my own inadequacies makes me more humble and tolerant of my clients' weaknesses and vices.  If I am to ask them to practice silence, and this is an excellent homework to give, I need to know what is the "taste" of silence. In silence I often find solutions to my counter-transference problems - I start to understand what makes me uneasy with that particular client, and generate some ideas what I can do differently.

Among these deep-rooted apprehensions of ours is the fear of God Himself. This is how Gerald W. Hughes describes this dynamic: "(…) we are so afraid of silence that we chase ourselves from one event to the next in order not to have to spend a moment alone with ourselves, in order not to have to  look at ourselves in the mirror. We know that those times when we have to be alone are often the most comfortless and fruitless of times for us.  But we are not only afraid of ourselves and of self-discovery, we are much more afraid of God - that he may disturb us and discover who we really are, that he may take us with him into his solitude and deal with us according to his will.  We are afraid of such lonely, awful encounters with God, and we avoid them, so that he may not suddenly come too near to us.  It would be too dreadful to have to face God directly, to have to answer to him. (…).  This anxiety is a mark of our times; we live in fear that we may suddenly find ourselves before the Eternal."(14)

This fear of the Eternal may take many forms. One of the most popular is the position that "God is not scientific enough." In our secular science there is generally no money for research associated with spiritual values. The statement - "There is no God" - is a priori "scientific," while the statement - "There is God" - non-scientific. The same happens in our clinical practice - behavioral, or cognitive-behavioral treatments are supported and paid for. Anything else, that tries to see human beings beyond the "stimulus-response" conceptualization, is looked at with suspicion. For those who want to be in charge, in control, the Eternal is an unnecessary, and in fact, unwanted concept. Characteristically, these people have little interest in silence, where the Eternal or Transcendental can be met.

Transcendental Reality in Therapy.

That is why practicing Contemplative Prayer, or any other form of meditation or prayer, may change the whole outlook of therapy. It brings something that I refer to as a "transcendental element" or "transcendental reality" to therapy. This takes place proportionally to the therapist's ability to sense the Presence of the Higher Intelligence. I believe that the lives of most of the human beings could be compared to a journey through a maze. People constantly struggle with unending material problems - how to make enough money to feed themselves and their offsprings, how to get ahead of others, how to preserve their relationships, get children through college, and so on. In this struggle they often get lost, and this is when they come to therapy seeking advice and direction. The problem is that most of the therapists are also lost in the maze. Often psychological interventions are like telling the client to go down two blocks, then turn right, and then left. Although these interventions may reduce some suffering, and improve things temporarily, they leave people in the maze of material existence. The only solution to the material maze is to look up - to the Creator of the Maze.  Seeing this transcendental aspect of our reality is sometimes called "liberation."

In many cases, in our world of managed health care and emphasis on short-term counseling, there is not enough time to create even a temporarily relief for our clients. In another text (15)  I gave a few examples of my frustration working in Northern Alberta. Poverty, ignorance, cultural and language barriers were creating at times enormous obstacles for the psychological interventions I was used to. Often therapists deal with cases that are more of a moral than psychological nature (e.g. sexual orientation, incest or abortion). In all these situations, I believe, bringing this "transcendental element" to therapy is the best or sometimes the only chance for progress. This approach is not new. For instance, the Second Step of the Alcoholics Anonymous program employs this strategy (calling upon a "Power greater than myself"), and perhaps is behind the success of this organization.  There are a couple of ways of bringing this "transcendental reality" into therapy. First, the therapist may gently inquire about the spiritual beliefs of the client and have a conversation on this subject. Second, the therapist may pray with the client, or if the client is reluctant to do so, to pray for the client in privacy. There is a growing body of research suggesting that such intentional prayers in fact do work.  But the best chance lies in asking the client to close his/her eyes and practice silence.

Bringing the transcendental reality into counseling means that there is no longer just the therapist and the client who participate in the process, but that there is another One, who is a witness to every word being said and who is lovingly interested in the success of the therapy. It takes some burden off the therapist's shoulders and may prevent burnout. As therapists, we may have this illusion of having more control over the clients' lives than is the case. For instance, I may do everything in my power to reduce the suicidal intent of my clients but ultimately it is their decision, and I am unable to control them after they leave my office. Being able to call upon God (if you don't decide to call the police) to take care of the client is then a priceless resource, which however is available only to those who believe.
 

God - Renewer of Life.

During the 20 minutes of the Contemplative Prayer's silence I spend 1-2 minutes in contact with God Himself. I go beyond my mind and feel the presence of "something," which is infinitely wiser, more powerful and more loving than I am. These are the most cherished and sweet moments of my life. I feel loved the way I am, and I feel that everything is right. During these precious seconds God, Infinite Intelligence renews my spirit. I come back and I am capable of functioning again. Miraculously, I find a new energy to undertake yet another attack on windmills of our civilization, to continue with my duties, to see yet another client. I go into silence distraught, and I come back smiling. This experience is so powerful that I would like to share it with all my clients and colleagues. But I can't, because it is almost impossible to describe. Many mystics tried and often failed. The only thing I can do is to encourage my clients to practice silence and to discover it by themselves.

Reading the proponents of the Contemplative Prayer, and other mystical literature, may offer some inspiration here. Thomas Keating wrote for instance: “The presence of God is like the atmosphere we breathe. (…) Nothing is more delightful than the divine presence. (…) To know God in this way is to perceive a new dimension to all reality. The ripe fruit of this prayer is to bring back into the humdrum routine of ordinary life not just the thought of God, but the constant awareness of His presence beyond any concept.”(16)

Recently beatified Polish mystic, Sister Faustina Kowalska noted: "In my opinion, and according to my experience, the rule concerning silence should stand in the very first place. God does not give himself to a chattering soul, which like a drone in a beehive, buzzes around but gathers no honey. A talkative soul is empty inside. It lacks both essential virtues and intimacy with God. A deeper interior life, one of gentle peace and of that silence where God dwells, is quite out of the question. A soul that never tasted the sweetness of inner silence is a restless spirit, which disturbs the silence of others."  (17) What happens when this "restless spirit" belongs to a therapist? Faustina later observed: "My life at present flows on in peaceful awareness of God. My silent soul lives on Him, and this conscious life of God in my soul is for me a source of happiness and strength. (...) Silence is so powerful a language that it reaches the throne of the living God. Silence is His language, though secret, yet living and powerful."(18)

Calls for silence can be found in each of the religious traditions and are not limited to the East. I have collected and made available many of them online.(19).  Interestingly for Christians, Our Lady, through Her apparitions in Medjugorie, also stresses the importance of this practice: "I beseech you, withdraw in silence. Your obligation is not so much to do, but to adore God, to stay with Him." (20). In yet another apparition She said: "Dear children, today I am calling you to renew your heart. Open yourself to God and surrender to Him all your difficulties and crosses so God may turn everything into joy. Little children, you cannot open yourselves to God if you do not pray; therefore, from today decide to consecrate a time and a day only for an encounter with God in silence. (…)"(21).

Summary.

I believe that in this short paper I have signaled some advantages of practicing silence, both for the therapeutic purpose and for the sake of the therapist's growth. The main advantage of being silent lies in an opportunity to feel God's Presence with many beneficial consequences derived from this state.  Practicing two periods of twenty minutes of silence a day, as recommended in Contemplative Prayer, is feasible in the context of average private practice and brings many positive fruits. Among the therapeutic fruits of this practice one could list a release of unconscious psychological material and a subsequent reduction of emotional tension.  Silence brings a sense of balance and harmony.  Including God into the equation of therapy leads to a proper distance to problems (that do not belong to the therapist and the client only, but also to God). Spending time in the beam of God's love brings comfort and a sense of being loved and accepted. It provides new energy to do things. Some of the other personal gains from this practice were poetically described almost 700 years ago by the author of "The Cloud of Unknowing": "Your whole personality will be transformed, your countenance will radiate an inner beauty, and for as long as you feel it nothing will sadden you. (…) Your words will be few, but fruitful and full of fire. (…) Your silence will be peaceful, (…) and your prayer secret in the depth of your being. Your self-esteem will be natural and unspoiled by conceit, your way with others gentle, and your laughter merry (…)"(22).
 
 

Bibliography.

(1) Keating, Thomas. (1996). Intimacy with God. Crossroad Publishing Company, New York.  P.55
(2) The following are the fragments of: Rajski, Piotr. (1999). Magika - The Practice of the Presence of God for People with Cancer. Roche Miette Psychological Services, Edmonton. PP. 37-38.
(3) Johnson W. (Ed.). (1973). The Cloud of Unknowing. The Book of Privy Counseling. Image Books.
(4) See for instance: Keating T., Pennington B., Clarke T. (1982). Finding Grace at the Centre. St. Bede's Pub.
(5) Keating T., Pennington B., Clarke T. (1982). Finding Grace at the Centre. St. Bede's Pub. PP. 12-20.
(6)  Ibid. P.7.
(7) Ibid. P.12.
(8)  Johnson W. (Ed.). (1973). The Cloud of Unknowing. The Book of Privy Counseling. Image Books, P.54.
(9)  Ibid.
(10) Keating T., Pennington B., Clarke T. (1982). Finding Grace at the Centre. St. Bede's Pub. P.17.
(11) Ibid. P..52.
(12) Ibid. P.31.
(13) Keating, Thomas. Intimacy With God. The Crossroad Publishing Co., New York, P.61
(14) Gerald W. Hughes. God of Surprises. Darton, Longman and Todd. P. 97.
(15) Rajski, Piotr. "European psychologist in Northern Alberta. In Search for Common Denominators" [in]: Roswith Roth (Ed). (1999). Psychologists Facing the Challenge of a Global Culture with Human Rights and Mental Health. Lengerich, Berlin, Dusseldorf, Leipzig, Riga, Scottsdale, Wien, Zagreb, Pabst Science Publ.
(16) Keating T., Pennington B., Clarke T. (1982). Finding Grace at the Centre. St. Bede's Pub. PP. 30, 34.
(17) Faustina Kowalska. (1987). The Diary: Divine Mercy in my Soul. Marian Press, Stockbridge, MA. , 118.
(18) Ibid.  886, 887.
(19) http://www.geocities.com/onegodsite.geo
(20) (June 24, 1986) [in]: Words from Heaven, P.176.
(21) (July 25, 1989.) [in]:Words from Heaven, P.254.
(22) Johnson W. (Ed.). (1973). The Cloud of Unknowing. The Book of Privy Counseling. Image Books.

***

Comments and questions regarding this paper can be sent to:
Piotr Rajski
Roche Miette Psychological Services
576, Lessard drive
Edmonton, AB, T6M 1B2, Canada
Tel: (780) 482-5353, Fax: (780) 482-5353, E-mail: rajski@shaw.ca

Edmonton, 2001/02/19

Last updated: 2003/01/03
 
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